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Some teens and young adults may have such a packed schedule—school, homework, work, friends, relationships, extracurriculars—that you wonder how they can possibly juggle it all. While it’s true that plenty of kids can manage a full calendar without their physical or mental health taking a hit, others may struggle with burnout. Here’s what to watch for, how to prevent burnout and how to help if you see your child struggling to keep up.
Not too young for burnout
Burnout, or feeling emotionally, mentally and physically drained by the day-to-day, can kick in when your child is overwhelmed by commitments. “Part of it comes from the pressure put on them from their peers—they’re seeing what their peers are doing on social media, and just trying to keep up. The problem is they’re only seeing a curated portion of someone’s life,” says Kelly Hultink, a workplace health and safety professional, and a parent of teens herself. Trying to maintain grades to get into university, trying to keep up with sports to get a scholarship or not let teammates down, or trying to earn money to pay for school or contribute to household expenses—it’s a lot, she says.
Signs of burnout in teens: 10 things to watch out for
So, how do you know when your kid is burnt out? Here are 10 things to watch out for.
- not being able to sleep or sleeping more than their usual amount
- withdrawing from their normal activities
- avoiding their friends
- having frequent nightmares
- changes in their eating habits
- changes in their school attendance, participation or grades
- complaining of new physical health issues like stomach aches
- emotional outbursts
- risky behaviour such as drinking and drugs
- suddenly changing their peer group
What’s tricky for parents is figuring out if these signs are typical rollercoaster teen behaviours or red flags, so communication is going to be important (not easy, but important!).
Keeping the lines of communication open
Your child may quickly shut down your attempts to see how they’re managing. Keep checking in, listening, and resisting the temptation to give advice, advises Kelly. “Sometimes it just feels good to know that somebody is noticing and somebody is caring.” Rather than a conversation, some kids may respond better to a text that says something like: “I realize you don’t want to talk about this, but I care about you. These are the things I’ve noticed, and these are some resources in case you need them.” If they don’t want to talk to you about how they’re feeling and doing some problem-solving, an outside resource like a supportive family member, a counsellor offered via your own work healthcare plan or Kids Help Phone, or their school’s resource teacher are all good options.
Managing stress
The phrase “self-care” will likely be greeted by an eye roll, but it’s still good to remind your child about what makes them feel healthy and good. Maybe it’s listening to music, exercising, playing with a pet, hanging out with their favourite people or time spent in nature.
Ask your teen about what makes them happy. Helping them understand what their “feeling good” baseline is will help them recognize when things are starting to get out of control, says Kelly. Ask them what they like to do when they are feeling good, how they know they are feeling good, and what they notice when they are not feeling like themselves.
When it’s time to make some choices
There are some situations that are just not sustainable; when all the loud music, calendar apps and pet playtime in the world can’t manage your child’s stress levels. If your child is struggling, help them figure out priorities. Kelly likes a pros and cons list. “It sounds silly, but just really looking at it can help you sort out what’s in your head. What is an actual priority and how much of your time is going towards a certain area? Break it down into little steps and look at each.”
This can assist your child in, say, cutting back on one shift a week, putting the phone away at 10 pm so they can sleep more or dialling down a particular extracurricular a bit. After all, learning to set boundaries and listen to their gut are crucial life skills too.