Does your kid feel uncomfortable at work? How to spot the warning signs

Jobs are great for teens—they help to build confidence, teach them how to work with different people and earn a living. But young workers need to learn to spot the difference between challenging and potentially dangerous situations. Get tips to encourage your kids to honour their instincts and speak up when something seems off.

When I was 16, I got a job as a hostess at a chain restaurant in Markham, Ontario. I was so excited to get started and make my own money. But on the very first day, I got a very uncomfortable vibe from my manager, a man in his late 30s. Any time I was around him, I got this icky feeling that I couldn’t quite explain. On my third day on the job, he wanted to give me a tour of the kitchen and backend of the restaurant. I immediately sensed that this was a bad idea but felt like I should go. So, I convinced myself I was being paranoid and brushed off my instincts. I really wish I had recognized that discomfort for what it was: a warning sign.

As part of the “tour” my manager brought me to the storeroom, closed the door, stood in front of it to block it and immediately sexually harassed me. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and ended up working there for six months with a man who harassed me (and continued to treat all the girls who worked there the same way).

Discomfort at work

Discomfort on the job can be caused by many things. It could be noticing that a manager is acting strangely, feeling like the dynamic between a boss and their employees is off, or having a sense that working alone would not be a good idea in that location. It can be a feeling that the work environment has not been set up the way it should be or maybe noticing that the employee retention rate is very low. So how can you help your young person who may be experiencing discomfort at work? The most important thing is to help your kids recognize those uncomfortable feelings and speak up when they truly believe it would help protect them from harm.

The difference between discomfort and healthy challenges

It’s equally important to teach our teens how to differentiate danger from normal and healthy challenges at work. For example, if I felt uncomfortable answering phones, that is something I would have to learn and adjust to as a hostess. It obviously doesn’t put me in any direct danger but It’s uncomfortable because it's new for me. A healthy way to speak up in this situation would be to talk to a supervisor or co-worker and say “Hey, I’m new to answering phones and taking customer requests. Can you walk me through the process?”

There is a difference between a feeling of being challenged in a new way and a feeling of discomfort. When it’s true discomfort, it gives a sense of foreboding, and that’s when we need to teach our teens to speak up.

Ask your kids: What does it look like to listen to your instincts?

If I could go back in time, 16-year-old me would say “no thanks!” to the tour with my manager and say, “I don’t feel comfortable doing the tour alone, but I’d be happy to go on a group tour or with a female manager present.” And I’d make sure I said this in front of another supervisor. Though it’s actually reasonable for a manager to take someone on a tour, even one-on-one, the problem is that he’d previously made me uncomfortable. This is something I could have reported to HR or to another manager, had I known that was within my rights. Of course, 16-year-old me didn’t know her rights. Especially after he harassed me, I could have reported it right away, but as I previously mentioned, I felt embarrassed. We need to normalize speaking up and teaching our teens to recognize that harassment is NEVER the victim’s fault. This will go a long way to helping them stand up for themselves.

Ask your kids: What if this happened to you?

Going through scenarios with your teen is a helpful way to plan for things that might come up at work:

1. What if you were asked to do something you have no training on (example: drive a forklift)?
2. What would you do if you were asked to work alone?
3. How would you deal with an angry customer?
4. What if your manager spoke badly of other employees to you?
5. If you sensed someone was dangerous to be alone with, how would you make sure you were never in that position?
6. What if someone was not working safely or following the law?

We’ve all had a first job, and we’ve all had moments where we felt unsafe or uncomfortable—and unfortunately, it’s all too common for young workers to brush these feelings aside and keep working. But when your child feels uncomfortable, they can (and should) speak up—it can save them from emotional and physical harm and make sure they don’t have a story like mine to tell.